Getting Past Fear


Have you gotten tons of career advice, solicited and unsolicited? You nod when you hear it and think, "Yeah, I know this stuff." So, what else is new?

But what have you done with the advice? Fess up. Probably very little.

Do any of these scenarios fit?

* You're in a job you absolutely hate. It's ruining your health and your life. You stay because of the money or the fear that there's nothing better out there.

* You're in a job where your boss ignores you, barks instructions and expects you to be a workaholic. But you stay because a new boss might be worse.

* You're lazy. You figure that one of these days, you'll hear about a great job, the economy will improve, or maybe your boss will realize how great you are. Plus, you don't have a resume.

* Or, you're unemployed and decide not to pursue a job that you heard about, or a field you are interested in, because one person said they were looking for experience you didn't have. Well, they know best, right?

Hello. I want to grab you by the shoulders, look into your eyes and say, "Wake up and smell the coffee!" Santa Claus is not coming down your chimney, and Elvis has permanently left the building.

So, why do otherwise savvy adults live with this passive mindset? F-E-A-R. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of rejection. You name it, fear has a starring role, with procrastination and laziness as costars.

But there's help at hand!

I read a book 12 years ago, Feel The Fear And Do It Anywayby Dr. Susan Jeffers, that changed my life. It has been changing my clients' lives ever since.

The crucial thing I learned from this book is that everything depends upon your attitude, your perception of the situation. Not what happens. Not what people say or do. But how you view it.

So, you've heard that before, too, right? Has it changed the way you tell yourself how to view what happens? I doubt it.

Here's the powerful stuff (and stuff I bet you've heard before, too). Nobody changes his or her attitude without working at it. I'm here to tell you that you need to work that attitude muscle, just like you do your biceps at the gym. Otherwise, forget it.

You don't wake up one morning, optimistic, ready to take on the world and feeling like Pollyanna. Especially if you're out of work, hate your job or are just plain lazy.

So, how do you change your attitude?

Years of therapy. No, just kidding. Like exercising your biceps, the attitude muscle needs work everyday. I recommend reading Jeffers' book, cover to cover.

In the meantime, here are some tips:

Internal Dialogue exercises (you need to do these more than once a day for starters):

* Change the dialogue you have with yourself. Instead of thinking, "I'm afraid" or "I don't want to look stupid," think, "I can handle that" or "I know I will get a job."

* Instead of thinking, "Gee, that's a problem," think, "It's an opportunity." If someone says, "You don't have the kind of experience for that type of work," think, "It's one person saying it; let me get more information."

* And forget about words like "should" or "try." Ban them from your vocabulary. They are negative and weak words. Own your power! You either will or won't.

When I first read Jeffers' book, I pasted positive quotes all over the refrigerator and near my desk. I suggest you use quotes that are meaningful to you.

Here's one I love:"I'm not a failure if I don't make it .I'm a success because I tried." Unknown

Finally, most people think they are the only one experiencing gut-wrenching fear. NOT.

You are going to feel the fear whenever you are in new territory (a good thing), but SO IS EVERYONE ELSE. This is one club you'll want to join. Membership requirements-facing down your fear and bravely moving forward despite it!

Dale Kurow, M.S., is an author and a career and executive coach in NYC. Dale works with clients across the U.S. and internationally, helping them to survive office politics, become better managers, and figure out their next career move. Visit Dale's web site at http://www.dalekurow.com/phone_ebook for information about her latest E-book, Phone Interview Skills Sharpened Right Here!