A few years ago, I was trained as a mediator. Having been involved in different ways in a couple of neighborhood disputes, I thought it would be valuable--and perhaps healing--to learn how to guide others through the process of resolving their particular challenges in an open and supportive manner.

The first thing we learned was that neighborhood issues are rarely what they appear on the surface. Instead, individuals tend to swim in repeated waves of ideas around privacy and respect and too often get caught in a rip tide of disappointment and anger.

Your barking dog might prompt Bob next door to call the dispute resolution center's number, but it's likely that a series of seemingly connected events compelled him to pick up that phone.

Maybe he approached you one day, tentatively and awkwardly, and you assured Bob that you would keep your dog quiet--even though you could sleep through an all-night howl session and have never once heard your dog bark in the wee hours.

Perhaps the next time Bob saw you, he waved but you didn't respond--he didn't know that you hadn't seen him through the glare of your windshield.

A few days later, Bob came over to deliver some mail that had arrived in his box by mistake. He stood on your doorstep ringing your doorbell for several minutes, but you never came out because you were in the shower. A few minutes after that, Bob watched you get into your car and drive off without so much as a nod in his direction.

And now, maybe poor Bob has had two nights in a row of sleeplessness and he got up this morning feeling angry about his insensitive neighbor--YOU, who are quite unaware that Bob is so upset.

Mediators spend a lot of time asking questions to get to the very heart of the issues, but mostly, they listen to the way these neighbors tell their stories. Often what seems like anger is really disappointment and hurt. After all, Bob wants to get along with you, and he is bewildered by how you seem to be avoiding him--and his concerns.

Once we start drilling down into the complex feelings and ideas involved, the whole situation starts looking like a comedy of errors, except that it isn't funny to the participants.

The pivotal role of the mediator is to present the pieces of the puzzle in a way that resonates with all parties. By unraveling the stories, everything becomes clearer and instead of avoiding each other, neighbors actually begin to understand and respect each other, even if they have different perspectives.

More than once, I've seen that barking dog become a non-issue once neighbors have made the effort to build a relationship that is open and respectful. And that's what everyone wants, really--to be able to discuss any concerns in a way that is civil or even friendly.

We all have our own symbolic "barking dog" that annoys and hurts us. We weave together isolated and often misinterpreted incidences to create a story with the ending we choose. "My neighbor is a jerk." "My partner is attracted to someone else." "My boss is out to get me." "My parents are ruining my life."

Mindfulness makes it possible to clearly see what is going on around us, and more importantly, within us. Think of it as a personal live-in mediator, asking questions and helping us unravel our carefully stitched stories.

By paying attention to your barking dog stories, you see those threads as just that--pieces that have been arranged by you to create only one of many possible tapestries. To play with mindfulness and mediation, try this:

*Look for loose threads. Is everything stitched together neatly? What doesn't fit?

*Start pulling gently. Ask questions. Did this really happen in this way? Is my reaction reasonable--or just understandable? How many layers have I built based on this one thread?

*Step back. Gain perspective on the way things look from different angles and in different light.

*Delight in discovery and connection, even if it means releasing your attachment to your favorite barking dog scenario. Remember that to be mindful, first we must be willing to open our eyes and see the real world for ourselves.

If we view the process as illuminating, uplifting, and even enjoyable, we can begin to see that barking dog as simply that--without the added clutter. Cooperative and friendly relationships become our vehicle for engaging in the world more fully and meaningfully.

And that makes life a whole lot more fun.

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About the Author

Maya Talisman Frost has taught thousands of people how to pay attention. Through her company, Real-World Mindfulness Training, she offers eyes-wide-open ways to get calm, clear and creative. To receive her free special report, "The Dirty Little Secret About Meditation" visit http://www.Real-WorldMindfulness.com