Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all involved. In order to

make a commitment to a relationship, it takes strength and trust in

another. When we trust our partner and we receive trust back, it is a

very nice feeling. One should never betray or play games with that

trust. Those games usually get caught, and a broken trust will surely

create a huge wall of communication breakdown. When you truly trust

another, you are opening your heart and mind to an outsider. You are

at this time very vulnerable for just about any kind of emotional

attack. Confusion and misunderstandings are amongst those emotions

now.

This is why communication is so important. It is the key to opening

all those doors. Without it, the doors will remained locked and one

will have to work very hard to break through. It is much more

productive to just talk, listen, and understand your partner. I am not

saying that this will be easy, but with love in your heart, it can be

done. The end results will definitely be more lasting. For every

forced door, there will be a negative memory to try to bypass in the

future. When doors are open with love, patience and respect, they will

have only good memories to savour and smile upon in the future. Those

are extremely important in tearing down those walls.

Communication is a very important act between two people. It even has

more importance than sex to keep a relationship building stronger. In

order to to communicate, it takes two willing and open minds. If one

mind is closed, all that will happen is the other will grow in

confusion and frustration.

Some of us worry about the ABC`s in life and others worry about the

EF&G`s in life. Thats OK. It is what adds the color to our black and

white life with each other. Yes it would be easier if we all worried

and thought about things equally. It would be less confusing. But only

for a short time. Soon enough our complacency with each other would

get "OLD". It would be as if we could read each others minds, but what

would be the point if we thought and worried the same.

A little bit of controversy is a much needed thing in a relationship.

It helps us to get to know another part of our partner and also our

own selves. When we open our hearts to another, only then will we

offer this part of us. Until then it isn't necessary. One very

important thing about a person sharing their inner most fears and

disappointments is never, ever, try to stifle that person or walk away

in frustration. If someone is that open with you, embrace it and hear

them out. Never belittle their concerns as being immature or

nonsensical because you would never have those concerns. Remember the

ABC`s, we all think differently. Only then can you both communicate,

otherwise you will add another block to the wall of communication

breakdown.

When we are forced into silence, we begin to build walls. If we are

not allowed to voice our inner feelings or disappointments, we will

quickly stop trying to communicate forever. Once the first brick has

then been set, the foundation of the wall to communication breakdown

will rise up very fast. Trust me, there is not a single relationship

that does not carry or tear down a brick to the wall of communication.

There are many levels of relationships. Some of us are put into

situations that take much courage to see past our hurts and

disappointments. Just remember what brought your relationship together

in the beginning. Many times we will be forced to return to page one

and start from there. With open minds and nonjudgmental hearts we can

get past many mistakes and problems that will arise in a relationship.

Another favorite, but not so good habit that we as humans create, is

to regurgitate things over and over again. I use the word

"regurgitate", because that's how I view having things being tossed

back in your face. Have you ever noticed that another lovely habit

(NOT) that we as humans have is to only dig up the dirt when we are in

the heat of anger? We do this time and time again, because we already

know that these things are a guaranteed hit. It is a very cheap and

bullish way to try to win a conversation. Is that not what most

communication breakdowns are? Conversation wars that end up shooting

old ammunition back and forth at one another? The problem there is

that noone ever wins that battle. All that is really happening is that

both parties have just taken an equal part in adding more blocks to

the wall of communication breakdown. Both sides lose.

Communication can only really work when neither party is being

selfish, meaning that if one person is feeling that they are being

attacked with every word that is coming their way, and it is all about

hurting them. They have automatically closed an open door without even

realizing it. Low self-esteem will surely make a person feel this way.

Or if one partner gets carried away and will not stop to let the other

party absorb what was just said, this too is a typical selfish act.

That is why it is important that we take turns with each other and try

to understand what is actually being said. If one partner misunderstands, and you are aware of that, then you are

responsible to stop and work with them in a loving manner to get them

to open that door. It is vital to not assume anything until the other

person has completely finished.

This is why the power of writing is so productive. One person writes

his/her thoughts down, uninterrupted, without fear of being derailed

from their thoughts and with the ability to just get it all of their

chest, so to speak. People pay big bucks to be told just this, so

listen up! If you find that your wall of communication breakdown is

starting to build, then this habit of writing letters to each other is

a very good way to bypass the wall.

Always reread your letter before handing it over. That too helps you

to maybe erase a thought or two that was purely emotional when writing

it. We all know that old saying, "I did`t mean that, I was just upset

at the time". Well there's a hind site tip for all of us struggling

with that d**n wall of communication breakdown.

Do you ever feel that you are so far under that wall, that you will

never be able to communicate with your partner again and just want to

run away? Before you run away, think about exactly what and why you

are running from. Are you running from a partner that could very well

be the best thing that ever happened to you? Or are you in fact

running away from your own issues that you refuse to deal with?

Remember this, if it is your own demons that you fear, you will run

forever. You will never be happy. You will always blame your

relationship or your partner for your downfalls. Running away is a cop

out. It is a true weakness in character. To stay and fight and trust

that your partner will understand your troubles is a true sign of

courage and one that will be greatly respected.

We all have our pasts. We must understand that yes, they did happen

and that is what they are, past issues. To have your past continue to

come between yourself and your partner is a bad thing. Whether it is a

person or just an experience, it should be left in the past. This is

where good communication comes to the rescue yet again. When we are

made aware of certain issues in our partners pasts, it sometimes makes

them easier to understand and deal with if they happen to come about

again. If we are left in the dark and we have to meet up with

another's past and it is not a very good experience, we will be weak

in defense and our ability to communicate positively will be almost

non-existent.

Some people fear their partners pasts, viewing them as a threat to

their own relationship. This is normal and should be dealt with

through love and understanding. Again we must communicate with each

other and not look down on anyone for their honesty and true fears.

That wall of communication breakdown will never completely come down

if we skip a few blocks and ignore them, or handle them so wrong that

they double in size. A good strong relationship will endure most any

mistake made by humans as long as both partners are willing and honest

with each other.

********************************************

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different

in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide

to our communication with others."

- Anthony Robbins

"Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will never

replace kisses and hugzzz"

-Dorothy

"Some think that love is all flowers and good times, but I think that

love is more than just that. Love is the bad, as well as the better,

not lived alone, but a journey together. Something that only the

closest can share, with communication, respect,"

-Anonymous

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About the Author

Dorothy Lafrinere Owner/Operator Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com email- [email protected]