In the coaching business, it is sometimes much easier to give advice than to follow it: and this is one of those times, because I'm going to advise you to set firm boundaries with your boss about what he or she can expect from you, and how much time you're going to reserve for yourself and your family.

First ask yourself why your boss, otherwise a very nice person, keeps piling on more work than you can handle in a day and why she insists that you check in daily during your weekend and maybe on your vacation. It's probably not because she hates you - it's almost certainly because she is under intense pressure to produce more with less. For the last two decades, the watchword of American industry has been "increased productivity means increased profits," and they have pursued it singlemindedly.

The first wave was fairly benign, because industry started eliminating meaningless meeting, reports, and the like - and everyone was happy with that change. The next round was to introduce automation to replace or assist repetetive tasks that didn't require human imagination, and that was generally a positive step. But the third stage was usually one or more rounds of layoffs, as companies tried to become "lean and mean." The first two layoffs usually eliminated employees who hadn't been productive in years, and may have made things better by getting rid of the dead wood. But the next rounds of layoffs cut deep into the muscle of the company: the productive employees and the ones with corporate memory, and at this point the company had exhaused all its options to improve productivity, and turned to the remaining workforce.

By definition, "productivity improvement" means "doing more with the available resources," and the only remaining resource is the working time and energy of the remaining staff - so managers had to start asking employees to spend more time at work and less with their families and friends. These managers aren't bad people - you shouldn't see them as Simon LeGree with his whip in hand - they're just caught in th same squeeze that you are and are entitled to a bit of understanding and slack.

But that doesn't mean that you have to acquiesce to their demands like a spineless jellyfish - it means that you need to reach an accomodation that both of you can live with, and that might mean a certain amount of conflict. Imagine that your boss has asked you to come in this Saturday to get caught up on an important contract, but he asked you the same thing last Saturday. I know that you want to say, "Take this contract and shove it." but consider the following instead:

    * "I understand that this is important, but I already had plans for a weekend with my family. Jane knows as much about this as I do - can I delegate it to her for this week?"

    * "I know that we all need to be putting in overtime, but I have child care responsibilities, so I really need at least three days notice when you want me to come in on a weekend or put in a really late night."

    * "Okay, I know that this is an important project and I'm willing to finish my part this weekend, but I'm not coming into the office - I'll get the work done at home on my own schedule. I'm happy to respond to email and IM while I'm working, but I don't want phone calls at home unless it's an emergency."

All of these answers are respectful and acknowlege that the project is important and needs to get finished, but they set increasingly firm boundaries between your time and the company's time, and it lets your boss know that you've set rules for overtime work and you expect him to follow them he wants cooperation.

The first few times you do this, you'll probably get pushback from your boss: "You're not being a team player.", "I expected more dedication from you.", "This will look bad for your chances of promotion."
But if you stick with it: being firm but respectful, the arguments will decrease and your boss will learn to live within the limits you have set, and probably be happy about it.

As I say, easy advice to give but hard to follow - but what are your alternatives?

About the Author
Bruce Taylor is the Owner and Principle of Unison Coaching, and provides corporate and executive coaching to a wide variety of businesses including engineering, human resource, consulting, and recruiting firms. Mr Taylor has extensive background in Psychology, Human Resources, and Software Engineering. He holds a Masters degree in Computer Science from Duke University, a Masters in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts, and a Certificate in Job Stress and Healthy Workplace Design from the University of Massachusetts. He can be reached at http://www.unisoncoaching.com or [email protected].

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